Let me first say I’m slightly confused by all these wonderful things people have been saying about me all evening. Not that I don’t agree with your comments. In fact, I could add a few other qualities I think you’ve overlooked. But what genuinely confuses me is that none of you’ve bothered to mention these feelings to me before. Heck, if you’d only come and spoken to me before I retired, who knows, I might have given you a raise or a promotion. I would have at least spoken a little more kindly of you. Even towards you, for that matter.

Honestly, though, I couldn’t be more honored by  tonight’s ceremony. To hear those who are the closest and most important people in my life recounting such touching memories is a very special pleasure.

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